Well thats exactly how I feel right now...wide awake when Id normally be asleep. Its not too late though, but still. There are three major things bothering me right now and they may surprise you.
1) Jobs.
Now this doesnt seem like a surprise to anyone that knows me...likely. Well truth be told. Where I live, I am at the mercy of what mom brings home. However, what she brings home is typically leftovers. Every blue moon, I get fresh food at home. Great...but comes with a catch. Whats that you say? I will be expected to eat whatever for at least two - three days. Another thing my mom bullshits with is dinner. "Oh I ate. Dont know why you didnt," she would say. "You ate at grandmas," Id say back with a glare. "Why didnt you come over?" "Because I had class/you forgot me at home/I didnt know they were having dinner!" Times like these lead to dinner-less nights which often get me into trouble...especially when I sneak in a secret stash of desserts mom has.
So I really want a job so I can eat fresh food at least three times a week. That would be nice.
On top of that, mom runs the power bill and doesnt manage money well in my eyes. Id like to move out. When she decided to splurge on company parties, fixing a car that had "Im NOT WORTH IT" written all over it, my sister that blows money on even dumber things...but doesnt pay the power bill so we have a poorly insulated freezing cold house during a storm....well that was a sure fire way to get me to NOT want to stay.
Im still waiting for that $130 she owes me. $100 of it was stolen.
2) Pets
Call me paranoid but Im having a huge freak out about the death of pets. Three died within two months....not something Im thrilled about. Six rats...I will likely be trying to rehome them if I move out on my own. However there is a high chance that if Im on my own for sure, they will stay. In 2nd place on the worry list is Tux. Since I didnt file taxes or have proof that my mom is a California State worker struggling, I asked my dear friend Ashley to have Tux done and Id pay her for it. This means he will be in her name and I have to have the license transferred over. No big deal...but Id really like to take home "my" cat. And in 1st place is my beloved Spyro who turns 10 March 28th. I have already had a dog die and I felt like he died in a crappy way and wasnt treated to my standards. Id like for Spyro to not go out the same way. Call me shitty but Id rather have him euthanized than to die in his sleep. I just dont do well with dead bodies. However this means Spyro must be in the best of care till his body just cannot function anymore. It wont happen if he continues to live at my grandparents house. As far as the dead body thing...well as much as I love all of my pets, theyre just harder to let go when you have had them for this long.
3) Marriage
Bet you didnt see this one coming. Adam told me he didnt want to get married...ever. Well ok whatever. But I do. I sat back and thought to myself...I wonder why he doesnt want to get married. Is he scared? Then I asked myself why do I want to get married? Am I scared? I cant believe I am going to admit it...but maybe I am scared. The problem isnt Adam...its me. Maybe Im afraid of him leaving or maybe Im just insecure. Whatever it is, I have realized that it is my problem...not his. I admit it. I want to get married because of my personal insecurities. I think it is a big lump that could later affect our relationship. First step, admitting. Next, fixing. Will work on that later.
So now I feel much better with all of this stuff off my head/chest. Still not tired but thats probably because of too much Dr. Pepper. Since you got this far...here is trivia.
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